Air Travel

Before our vacation we were terrified about the prospect of our 9 hour flight with Lilli. However, we needn't have worried. Lilli was the best baby on board. She slept a little and played the rest of the time. She loved the attention from the crew and passengers. In our cramped cattle class section of the plane she was the most comfortable economy traveller in her bassinet. Granted it was a little short and she had to lie with froggy legs to fit, but at least she could be flat on her back or curled on one side if she wanted!

We told ourselves we had no reason to fear our return flight. And then BA's crew members threatened to strike over Christmas and New Years. What would happen to our flight and our bulk head seats for which we had to pay an extra booking fee in order to obtain? Thankfully the strike action was thwarted by a court ruling. Then snow and ice hit the UK and bad weather threatened to ground our flight. However a brief window of warming opened the airports for our departure.

We arrived at Heathrow with hours to kill. Check in and security was a breeze, however thanks to Christmas Day terrorism all US-bound passengers were body searched and bag checked before boarding, delaying flights by an hour. An extra hour delay was added to our flight due to a faulty wheel. We finally became airborne two hours late and Lilli had been awake two hours too long. Of course drinks and dinner take some time. Once everyone was settling into their movies or trying to snooze behind eye masks Lilli was a lost cause. With legs frantically kicking and arms flapping we could only keep her happy by bouncing in the corner. Here she had a full view of the plane and she would scan the rows of passengers looking for a friendly face. When one was located she would smile back intensely and her little legs and arms would kick and flap even faster. Cuddles would evoke much protest. Other parents were experiencing a similar bumpy ride with their wee ones and we would huddle in the corner seeking solace in numbers. Lilli was the only baby who expressed her fatigue through a cardio workout. We wondered what others were thinking. Has anyone seen a baby with Lilli's manic energy?

Our little jumping bean did debut her crawling skills on the BA blue carpet (both knees and hands moved once before ending in a nose dive to the floor). We did eventually coax her to sleep, only after requesting the lights be dimmed and frequent feeds under the dark airline blanket. Unfortunately the naps were short lived and immigration, customs and baggage check all too fascinating. From our sad parting with Mum and Dad at Heathrow it was lovely to see Greg's friendly face at Seattle. Home was waiting for us, rather cold and with that stale empty smell. Now let the jet lag and home sickness begin.

Happy English Christmas!

It was Lilli's first Christmas and it was an English Christmas none the less! I was hoping to jump into the full Christmas spirit at the carol service or at a wonderful nativity play performed at a local farm. I even considered attending the service at St Johns on Christmas morning which is unusual since I have stubbornly boycotted Church since a young teenager. I'm not sure if my desire to engage in the religious side of Christmas this year is due to nostalgia, or my desire to show off my beautiful baby, or to watch Lilli watch people! However Lilli's erratic sleep pattern somehow prevented any religious outings.

Instead Christmas revolved around the usual trappings of food, drink and presents and it was glorious! After breakfast and Lilli's morning nap Dad donned the post-man hat, now a red felt cone with long braided white plaits. Handing out the gifts used to be much more serious when Dad wore his officer's cap. Lilli loved the rustling of the paper and tried hard to stuff handfuls of the colourful wrap into her mouth.

The icy roads didn't prevent us from attending our friends annual Christmas cocktail party. Tony was very liberal with the champagne as usual and Jon was introduced to yet more of the local society. Lilli played with Sally's beautiful nearly-4 year old daughter and I sadly, but steadfastly, refused the many champagne top-ups. Not so Jon, who I spotted knocking back the champagne and discussing The Who concerts with friends of my parents!

Christmas dinner wrapped up our indulgent day. Goose was on the menu with Dad's crunchy roast potatoes, red cabbage and carrots. It was delicious. The Christmas pudding delighted us with it's blue burning brandy and it's rich fruity flavour, balanced of course with generous dollops of clotted cream and brandy butter. I'm sure Lilli enjoyed all these flavours later in the night when she wasn't dreaming of her new Christmas toys: a yellow butterfly with crinkly wings and an elasticated knot of brightly painted wooden pegs.

Our Wintry Road Trip

Jon, Lilli and I hit the road after a couple of days relaxing with my parents in Tisbury. We collected our very nice Peugeot 308 in Salisbury and managed to immediately loose my parents who were attempting to lead us to the Birmingham-bound road. After a tense telephone conversation between Dad and Jon we reunited. We reassured Mum and Dad that we could read a map and we set off alone. Consequently I relinquished the wheel to Jon for the remainder of the trip and became map reader, Lilli entertainer and singer of the "we're driving on the left" song. But I loved driving the Peugeot for that first half hour. I miss European cars.

A short while later we pulled into a rutted layby on Salisbury plane, just yards from our correct road. Lilli was due for a feed and a diaper change and did she have a surprise waiting for us. It was a tricky business changing that diaper on the front seat of the car, but eventually the mess was cleared and Lilli was momentarily happy with a full tummy and dry diaper. A misjudged movement and a slight impairment of balance while exploring the front seat sent her tumbling head first into the door. Many tears and kisses later she was smiling again and sporting a big bump on her forehead. Not so Jon who was beginning to think this was the worst vacation ever. Thankfully Jon can usually be coaxed out of his black moods by food and Mum and Dad had packed us a super lunch. Soon we were back on the road to Birmingham and all were happy! From now on we stayed on course, thanks to Dad's very detailed route directions. He even added good view spots and reviews on all the service stations we would pass during the week.

Birmingham:

It was wonderful hugging Meriel and her bump! Lilli warmed instantly to Meriel. She even gave Meriel the highly coveted head-bump. Actually, it was here where this behaviour was initiated. Lucky Mez! And fortunate us since Alex fed us delicious steak that night and the following night, after enjoying a walk around Birmingham city center, we indulged in take-out curry!

Olney:

Aunty Fairy, or rather Graunty Fairy, was ready with toys and books and her piano! Lilli loved playing on the piano. My cousin, James, joined us for dinner and the following day we visited his cute and quirky cottage. We obliged Lilli with her late night wakings to avoid waking our various hosts. We indulged in midnight play times rather than battle her back to sleep.

After all it is day time for her body clock.

London:

We drove through the snow on the way to London and arrived amidst a flurry of snow flakes at Peter and Leslie's Belize Park flat. Lilli's first snowflakes prompted big smiles and giggles as they landed on her nose. We vainly tried to visit their local pub but were consistently turned away. No babies allowed. Instead we caught up with their British odyssey in the much more baby friendly confines of their Ikea-clad flat. We shared a day in London with Mum, Lizzie and William. We started our Christmas tour in Trafalgar Square amidst the environmental demonstrators camped around the tall but spindly Norwegian Christmas tree. Could the sad looking tree be due to global warming or the Norwegian's reluctance to part with a more vigorous specimen? After visiting the Impressionist section in the National Gallery we marched onwards to Piccadilly Circus and The Rain Forest Cafe for tropical lunch in a plastic jungle with Lizzie, William and Siobhain. It was so fun to see Lizzie and Siobhain. I only wish that we could have spent more time with them. I loved cuddling with William who is a very content and solid baby (boys are though ... solid that is). He loved the rain forest music and danced in perfect time. Amazingly when tired he snuggled up to Lizzie and fell fast asleep, despite the thunder and lightening effects! After lunch we continued down Regent's Street and dropped into Liberty's where I drooled over the exquisite silk scarves and fabrics. On to Carnaby Street and it's disappointing decorations and a quick last minute Christmas shopping trip to John Lewis. Before leaving the following day, Jon, Peter, Lilli and I walked over to a snowy Primrose Hill where we watched the sledders attempting to slide down the hill and gazed at the view of London laid out below us. Primrose Hill was my favourite grassy spot when I lived in London with Lizzie and Meriel. We enjoyed many picnics together on the hill.

Windsor:

The snow was getting deeper and the roads slicker the further we drove out of London! We slid into Susie's drive and thankfully pulled to a stop. We had a fun last night of our 'friends and family' tour. Mandie joined us for dinner and Susie's lovely boyfriend, Mark, dished up a hearty sausage stew. Perfect for a cold wintry night. Lilli, with a late evening awakening, was excited to join the party. Before heading home though we popped over to see Mandie, Howard, Jemima and Maisy for Saturday lunch. They are roughing it at their mother's wonderfully comfortable home just down the road from Windsor. We lounged around the roaring fire eating game pie and laughing at Lilli's curious, but slightly wary, fascination with the dogs. These little moving furry teddy bears just wouldn't stay still long enough for her to grab a good exploratory handful. They darted into view from behind her and vanished just as quickly as they arrived after quickly giving her a sniff with cold wet noses!!

Tisbury:

Back home relaxing with Mum and Dad sure feels good after our whistle stop trip. Lilli took all the new experiences and faces in her stride. This bodes well for future adventures! Now it's Mum's turn to show off her beautiful granddaughter to her friends!

Bye-Bye Ctrl

Lilli loves Daddy's laptop. She bangs on the keys and watches the effects of her industry on the screen. Even more fun is trying to pick off the keys. Little fingers make fast work and there goes the control button. Luckily Lilli choose one of the few keys which appear twice on a keyboard!

On the Brink

Will Lilli start crawling in the UK? She's trying so hard. She's up on hands and knees and rocks to gather momentum, but for now to go nowhere. Maybe one day the rocking will just naturally turn into a hand movement, followed by a knee and another hand and then a knee!

Food, a new delight for us, not so for Lilli, is evoking wonderful expressions. Grimaces, body shudders, scrunched up eyes. And constipation is another by-product (or no-product!) of solids. Granny will have to stock up on some prunes for our visit.

Lilli has been enjoying lots of fun playtime with her favourite buddy, Uncle Pete. She has a special grin just for him. I have been enjoying wintry afternoon walks with my little Pixie. It feels wonderful to get out in the bracing air.

Who's that Baby in the Mirror?

Lilli seemed to suddenly grow up a lot more when she turned 6 months. It was as though she had been waiting for her half year birthday to arrive before she revealed her new tricks. Her current repertoire is certainly fun and noisy.

Curtains up and the first act is titled SHOUTING! Lilli has discovered her LOUD voice and she loves using it to express her happiness, frustration or anger. Crying is now only reserved for those moments of pain (such as during her flu shot today) or extreme distress (when shouting fails). Yelling her irritation at us is usually just as an effective method to regain our attention during playtime when we might be attending to trivial adult matters or during her many night awakenings.

The starring character in Act 2 is the proto-crawler or the shimy-shamier-bottom-waggler. This entertaining personality is most spectacular when found naked on our bed between bath and bed times, where you will witness her wriggle, writhe and worm her way around the vast softness of her great grandmothers crocheted blanket. However during any belly time this determined character is sure to surface.

The lights dim and the scene becomes calm in Act 3. Jon and Lilli are sitting on the couch reading books. Lilli has graduated from her early frantic attempts to chew on the book corners. She now enjoys sitting serenely in her Daddy's lap listening to his voice and gazing at the colourful pictures.

Act 4 is set in bathroom where mother and daughter spend happy moments in front of the mirror. Lilli gazes at her reflection in the mirror and smiles with open mouthed excitement when mother rocks her closer to that very familiar baby friend. Shrieks of laughter erupt when mother sets about tickling Lilli. Lilli knows that the mother in the mirror and the mother holding her are the same person and amazingly is not perturbed that a person can be in two places simultaneously. She smiles at her mirror mother and then turns around to nuzzle into her physical mothers neck. Lilli's reality must be an interesting world to inhabit. A world where a person can be in two places at once and where shadows dancing across the table can be caught by sticky sweet potato fingers.

Perhaps that reality does not seem so far fetched when I consider my own. In my reality Lilli feels just as much part of me as she did when she was turning somersaults in my belly. My reality only exists in the present. I am practising what I believe Zen Buddhists call Mindfulness. The cycle of napping, feeding and playing leaves little time for planning the future or reminiscing about the past. I endeavour to give Lilli my exclusive attention when we're playing and if I fail she promptly pulls back my drifting focus. Oh but how I wish I had the patience of a Buddhist monk at 3am in the morning when holding an overly alert little baby in my arms.

6 months

Lilli's been working on her brain growth ......

Length: 26" (50th %ile)

Weight: 15 1/2" (50th %ile)

Head circumference: 17" (75th %ile)

Apples and Pears

Our little baby is getting big! She certainly feels heavy after jiggling and rocking her to sleep in my arms. She's almost too long for her infant car seat. With a new wardrobe and a space-age high chair she's ready to start the second half of her first year. She certainly looks older now with her features filling out and more hair framing her face, a la Liza Minelli style. Her second tooth made an appearance this past week and she's testing them out on anything she can get her hands on. She left an impressive bite mark on Jon's arm (take that Daddy for trying to make me sleep!). We're more cautious about letting her pull our fingers towards her mouth and those razor sharp two teeth! Thankfully she's been relatively respectful of her main source of food! However the spoon gets it and whatever solid food happens to be on the spoon is sometimes swallowed. Mostly the food concentrates on her chin in big globules. Pear and oats is Lilli's favourite meal so far. Rice was a little too constipating. Sweet potato too weird. Apples too tart. Banana too gloopy.

Lilli's learning to get around .... and around ..... and around. She spins in slow circles on her belly, sometimes inching forwards, sometimes pushing backwards. She loves hanging out on the couch where she sits, lounges and rolls among the cushions. Each cushion feels unique to her constantly exploring fingers and toes. Her wobbly sitting position and her ability to spin or shuffle to desired toys has given her some slight independence and control over play time. And I've discovered a new toy in my cell phone. Lilli spends the final hour of every nap curled up warm and content in my lap while I play the computer game installed on my phone. I've never spent much time playing computer games and consequently I'm terrible. I have an irritating habit of pressing the wrong keys so my little man jumps when I want him to attack or runs in a suicide mission off cliffs when I want him to jump over the pixel ravines. It's taking me a while to progress through the castle levels while my princess, who I must free, languishes in a dungeon. But I have time. I fear the cell phone will die before I complete my quest.

Putting Lilli back to sleep is very similar to playing my cell phone game. It's ridiculously easy to make the wrong move and wake her up. Then the soothing process starts all over again.

Level 1: Rocking Lilli to sleep in arms

This level has few obstacles, but requires constant motion and arm power.

Level 2: The slow descent into the crib

Must gently lower sleeping baby into crib without giving the appearance of moving. Avoid cold and wet drool patches on the sheet at all costs. Crib creaks and a bumpy landing can prove deadly.

Level 3: Removing arms from baby

Tips to completing this level include averting head so your breath doesn't disturb the sleeping princess, ensuring a smooth and slow withdrawal of your arms from under baby's legs and shoulders, taking your time and avoiding those crib creaks. If you fail at this level you return to level 1.

Level 4: Exiting room

Squeaky floor boards and a creaking door make this suspenseful level deceptively challenging.

Level 5: Reward

Varied rewards may include 10 minutes slumped on the couch before returning to level 1, a cup of tea and 15 minutes on the computer or 30 minutes of knitting.

Notes from Lilli

Hiiiiyaaaaa! Hiiiiiyaaaaaa!

I love making sounds. My favourite is my new squeeeeeek. I practice my squeeeky voice every day. It makes Mummy laugh. I also enjoy coughing. It seems to get Mummy and Daddy's attention. Usually I babble to myself or to anyone who is listening. It's fun seeing what sounds I can make.

There is so much to do during the day. So many things I can see. I wish I could get to them. I can't seem to move though. I try really hard and sometimes I can roll or wiggle over to toys on my mat, but there must be a way to explore all those other interesting looking things in the room? And hey, what are those "feet" things on Mummy and Daddy's legs. They look really fun. I just want to sink my sore gums into them, but I'm not allowed.

Sore gums, yes they hurt. Mostly at night. I have a sharp tooth which gets a little bigger every day. And I drool a lot. It's given me a rash. I hate it when Mummy rubs cream under my chin. She tells me it'll help my rash, but I don't know. I wish I could stop spitting up. The milk doesn't taste as good as it did going down. And now I can taste the horrible rice cereal Mummy and Daddy have been feeding me. They think my grimaces are funny. I want to chew on the spoon, but Mummy always dunks it in that soupy rice mixture first. Yuck ... cough cough ....

I bumped my head. That also hurt. It was scary too. I've been practicing sitting with Mummy's help. I'm very wobbly. But it's a great position to survey my toys spread out at my feet. There was a new toy, a small plastic pot, which looked really tasty. I made a lunge for it and got it. With my eyebrow. Owwww. I had a big red bump on my head and I cried a lot. Mummy and Daddy gave me lots of cuddles. It was worse than the injections I had last week at the doctors. I like going to the doctor. I enjoy seeing everyone. There was a nice lady in the waiting room making me laugh. Mummy tells me that I caught a cold at the doctors, because the next night this clear slimy stuff started running out of my nose. It's hard to breathe through my nose. I have to use my mouth.

This cold thing and my sore gums have been keeping me awake at night. But the last couple of nights have been much better. Mummy and Daddy are looking happier. Naps are still tough though. I don't understand why Mummy wants me to sleep so much during the day? But I do enjoy listening to her sing my lullaby. I like to join in with her.

I also enjoy chewing on Mummy's chin. When I'm up on her shoulder because she's burping me or cuddling me, I wriggle around so we're facing each other and her chin is right there. It's great for chewing and I can gaze into her eyes at the same time! I like to keep her head still, because she tends to shake and make funny noises, by placing my hands on each of her cheeks. That's good too because it's nice to feel Mummy's skin. I like feeling different textures with my hands and feet. When I'm feeding I love rubbing my bare feet against the silk cushions. The bed sheet feels pretty cool too and makes a good swishy noise under my finger nails. But the best is the magazines and books Mummy sometimes reads when I'm feeding. I love scrunching the pages and scritching and scratching the paper with my finger tips.

Hey, so I have this new game which I play with Mummy and Daddy when we're on the bed after bath time. They want to dry and dress me, but they have to catch me me first! It's so fun!! I can wriggle backwards and flip over and scoot sideways. It's really difficult to catch me. I love watching their faces when they try to put on my diaper or my PJs. I practice my moves at night time too, but sometimes I get stuck against the bars of the crib. Once my arm got trapped between the bars and I couldn't move. Thankfully Daddy heard me shout and freed me.

We went to a fun party on Halloween, though I didn't get to wear a costume. But I did see all my "May Babies" friends, who were in costume, hmmmm. They had all grown so much, just like me. Some had teeth, some also had problems sleeping. Also this week I hung out with my buddy, Jamie, in the park. Mummy seemed to really enjoy the colours of the leaves, berries, ferns, clouds and the water. Yesterday Mummy took me for a walk along the canal with a friend of hers. She was really nice to me and I really enjoyed gazing at her face. It's nice to look at a different face every once in a while.

Gotta go! Lots of things to do, but Mummy says it is nap time. I wonder if she'll let me sleep on my tummy? It's my favourite sleeping position. I like to bury my face in the mattress. Today my forehead is red because I got to sleep tummy down last night. Byeeeeee ....

A Tooth!

Lilli's first tooth is making it's debut! She will not let me see it, but I can feel its razor edge just peeking through the gum.

To sleep, perchance to dream

Sleep, sleep, sleep. I'm obsessed with sleep and my lack thereof. Lilli's night time schedule is erratic! Every night is different. Some nights she will awaken for her twice nightly feeds and quietly drift back to sleep. Other nights she'll awaken and grumble and cry for a couple of hours before returning to sleep. Some nights are just fitful from the start. And on other occasions she's up for the day at 5. I'm actually feeling pretty good for surviving on 5-6 hours of sleep a night, and that's not consolidated sleep hours. However on the positive side, Lilli has fallen asleep in her crib twice this week, thanks to some perseverance and the help of a plastic aquarium with swimming fish, bubbles, flashing lights and soothing (monotonous) music. However it was wrenching listening to her angry cries and watching her little upset face for half an hour. However, her cries never escalated into those really wretched sobs. These were irritated cries. She was annoyed with me for changing the routine and irritated that she couldn't fall asleep. I could almost hear her saying,

"Mummy, where are you?"

"I need you to hold and cuddle me"

"I want to suck on the sleeve of your sweater and bury my nose into the crook of your elbow"

"Rock me, please"

"I can't go to sleep and I'm so tired and I feel miserable"

"This isn't fair, whaaaaahhhhh"

And I was thinking,

"Lilli I'm right here, look here's my face and feel my hand gently rubbing your tummy"

"Go to sleep love, I know you can do it"

"Please don't cry, it makes Mummy feel awful"

"Am I doing the right thing?"

"I love you Lilli."

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, Jon and I will lay awake listening to her whines, wondering when we should intervene. Sometimes, miraculously she stops and drifts back to sleep. But her favourite position for returning to sleep is on her tummy with her face down in the mattress. So begin the nights of worry over the safety of my daughter.

Lovable Moments

The way Lilli's hair stands on end after washing.

Lilli's raspberry blowing.

Blowing raspberries on the back of her neck.

Smelling her hair.

Big smiles with dimples and oh so happy eyes.

Little fingers and toes.

Her careful scrutiny of the world through those big blue eyes.

Toe chewing and thumb sucking.

The little hand that creeps up to feel my face and play with my lips when I'm feeding her or soothing her to sleep.

Her squeaky gurgley laughter.

Bath Times with Daddy

To Lilli,

from Daddy x

The bath time ritual begins with Mommy laying out PJs and towels on the bed and drawing the bath. You and I go over to the changing table where you play with my hair while I undress you. Naked and wriggling in my arms we pass by the bathroom mirror on our way to the bath. We briefly stop and gaze at each others smiling faces. You like the mirror. We splash into the tub and away you go, kicking and splashing and trying to reach your little rubber ducky that is being tossed around in the waves at your feet. Your feet, legs and bottom are easy to wash because when I give you the rubber ducky, which you promptly stuff in your mouth to chew, your legs temporarily stop kicking. Your arms, on the other hand, are so strong that it takes all my might to straighten them and wash the little folds in your armpits. I trick you into a position where I can wash your neck by holding the cup that I use to wash your hair above your head. You don't like it when I soap your neck. Of course after seeing the cup there is only so long before I have to give it to you. You take it from my hands and rush it straight to your gummy mouth. After a few more chews on the cup and splashes with kicking legs we dash, dripping, into the bedroom where I plop you down on your towel on the bed. As I begin drying you the mad girl emerges. You begin panting, fervently gnawing on your foot and making all sorts of strange noises! Shrieks, sizzles, coos. I race to ensure your folds and creases are dry before you begin to tire of lying on the bed. You flip over and try to make a break for it. If you are dry I leave you wriggling on your belly and give you a massage to help you relax and dissipate your frenetic energy before bed. I liberally slather on Burt's Bees butt paste and wrap your bottom up in a diaper. By the time I'm wrestling your squirmy limbs into your pajama's you've figured out that it is bedtime. You are not impressed. The final straw is when I try to discreetly maneuver you into your sleep blanket. By now you've usually had it with me and are telling me so! Mommy awaits and I drop you into her lap for a last snack before bed.

Granny's Visit

The bouncy exercise ball has made a come-back and I've discovered that Lilli dislikes the dark. Nap times and bed times have been sorely trying over the past days. Coaxing her to sleep has been so much harder than usual, particularly at night time when she screams harder than we've ever heard her. However I left the door open tonight to allow a little light in the room and she fell asleep in my arms with barely a peep. Her tense bedtimes have coincided with these increasingly darker autumn evenings. Recently I have noticed that Lilli fixates on an object or a slither of light while being lulled to sleep. I love watching her eyes gradually close over the course of my lullaby. A big sigh signals her complete surrender to sleep. Only then can I gently lower her into the crib. She'll awake 40 minutes later, with a dream or a twitch startling her awake. During naps I'm unable to put her back into the crib to finish sleeping. She stirs as soon as those tiny feet touch the sheet. Invariably she spends the remainder of her nap snoozing in my tired arms.

Yesterday was a very sad day. Granny returned to the UK. We had a wonderful two weeks together. Granny taught Lilli peekaboo and lots of new songs. They waltzed and galloped together around the living room. Granny pushed Lilli in her pram around the neighbourhood. There were many hugs and kisses. Sometimes Lilli and I would wake Granny by climbing into bed with her for morning cuddles. We had fun outings in the beautiful sunshine to the Arboretum and to Discovery Park. Granny was an enormous help around the house and even helped paint Daddy's cupboards. One night Granny looked after Lilli while Jon and I escaped for a long overdue birthday/anniversary dinner at Eva. While Granny was here we thew a big welcome party for Lilli, celebrating her arrival in the garden with our friends and family. Granny and Jon made triangle sandwiches: grilled veggies and goat's cheese, ham with spinach and baked plums, tuna salad and the traditional cheese and cucumber. I baked pumpkin and chocolate cupcakes and mixed up a delicious cranberry, cider and ginger punch. Come back soon Granny and bring Grandad with you. We miss you and love you very much.

Hooray for Granny!

We've had a grand time this week with Granny's visit from England. Lilli loves spending time with her Granny (as do I). Granny sings Lilli all sorts of funny songs and gives her lots of kisses and cuddles. She is a wonderfully calming influence on us all. Jon has achieved more in the attic over the past week than he has all summer. I've regained my sanity. And Lilli has enjoyed many more peaceful moments since Granny knows just when and how to play or soothe. I think Jon and I are a little too high energy during those critical pre-sleep minutes .

Over the last few days we've been working on helping Lilli learn how to fall asleep. We've successfully eliminated the bouncing ball from the bed and nap time ritual. Today I managed to sing her back to sleep in the crib. I'd rather take these small slow steps than a week or two of crying-it-out or Pick-Up, Put-Down or the Sleep Lady Shuffle. I say, burn all those sleep books!

Lilli has discovered her feet! When not distracted by a sock, she loves to chat. The raspberry blowing has subsided somewhat and she's working on the aaaaaaa vowel sound. Mum and I are constantly talking. We talk all day long. We sometimes talk too much. It's lovely. And exhausting. We have a fantastic relationship and I feel very lucky to have her as my Mum. I'm sure all our chatting is influencing Lilli who often joins in with her aaas and squeals and gurgles. She is even starting to sound a little like Granny.

Pink Feet & Raspberries!

Pink Feet: Lilli rubs her little feet together until they turn a rosy pink. This activity takes place during feeding, playing and sleeping!

Raspberries: When she's not rubbing her feet together Lilli loves blowing raspberries. She creates little drool bubbles and a great sizzling noise through her vibrating bottom lip (she's working on relaxing the top lip so it can join in too).

4 months

Weight: 13 lbs 12 oz

Height: 25 3/4"

Head Circumference: 16 1/4"

Happiness

Warm and sunny September days

Crisp mornings and evenings

Fresh conkers with their beautiful deep chestnut colours

Dewy spider's cobwebs

Collecting pretty autumn leaves

My lush crop of spinach

A clean kitchen

Tea with friends

A sleeping baby

Lilli's smiles

Hugs with Jon

My latest read: "The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society"

My Mum arriving in less than a week!

Mentally Agitated Momma

I'm in rather a negative frame of mind this evening, but since it is Wednesday, my blogging night, I shall endeavour to write an entry. So please bear with me since I doubt this will be a cheery read!

Lilli hates napping. So it especially seems this week. Previously it was relatively easy to soothe her to sleep, but she has started to loudly resist naps and bed time. She sleeps for one sleep cycle (around 40 minutes) and awakens tired and cranky. During naps she is unable to return to sleep unassisted. However, my attempts to calm her seem to make matters worse and she screams more intensely and fights me with her little body. I hate that I am unable to help her. It's heart wrenching listening to her sob and I start to think that I am a terrible mother.

Not long after my last blog we decided to transition Lilli from her hammock to her crib. Previously she had napped in the hammock and slept the night in the crib. She would often wriggle into a nose down position in the hammock and I was worried about the risk of suffocation. So we decided it was time for her to fully transition to the crib. We thought, why not make another change while we're at it and try to wean Lilli from her bounce-to-sleep habit? We started off boldly using "The Baby Whisperer's" Pick Up/Put Down technique. The BW advises parents to put the baby in the crib, drowsy, but awake, and soothe baby to sleep by shhhing and patting. You pick the baby up when she cries, but put her down as soon as she's quiet. The process is repeated until the baby falls asleep. You essentially wear her out. Unless she wears you out first. After a long, exhausting hour with no cessation to the screaming in sight, we admitted defeat and bounced our traumatized baby to sleep. It was awful and never to be repeated. I decided it might be kinder on all of us to gradually eliminate the motion crutch. We've lessened our bounces to mere jiggles and it was working! Until now. Nothing has seemed to help her sleep today. Has she become aware of our ruse? Or is something else going on?

Is she possibly teething? Lilli chews on her arm until it is red and raised. I try to intervene with a teething ring. She chews on anything she can grab. I'm amazed at the lightening speed with which she'll bring an object to her mouth. It wasn't long ago when moving her hand to mouth required careful planning for success.

I hope that she's not yelling from hunger. I hope my milk supply is sufficient. Why are there so many things to worry about? Tonight Lilli fussed throughout her evening feed and we were alarmed that she hadn't eaten sufficiently, so we turned to the bottle. This she happily guzzled down. Lately this fussy feed has not been unusual, however we ascribed her complaints to a slower flow of milk and a change in taste resulting from plugged ducts. After a couple of days of hot water bottle compresses, steamy showers, massage and constant feeding from the affected breast the ducts cleared and I am feeling much better today. Perhaps the uneven feedings and the slight infection have reduced my supply?

My head is whirling with anxious thoughts. I'll sip my tea and write of our new car and our fun outings. That should send me to bed with a few less creases between my brows ....

I love our new car. It does shine. It has power steering and a back windscreen wiper. It has four doors, a radio and a CD player. The seats are very comfortable and the doors close with a quiet but hefty thunk. I'm still a little heavy footed on the gas when changing gears and I'm not sure where it's nose begins and backside ends which is making parking a little tricky. Oddly, there is a strange smell about it that is reminiscent of cheap motel rooms. Lilli, the new car and I have enjoyed a couple of excursions to Greenlake this week to walk with friends and their babies in this wonderful September sunshine. On Sunday morning Jon, Lilli and I enjoyed a beautiful walk in Discovery Park. We reminisced about how we once danced tango on the exposed flats of an unusually low tide. Now there's a happy memory to take to bed with me.

Good night.

Lilli Goes Car Shopping

The 3 of us have been busy test-driving cars over the past week. Tomorrow we're sealing the deal on a grey 2005 Toyota Matrix. Yes, the paint still shines, the interior is clean and it drives well. Lilli has been remarkably patient during our car shopping excursions. Perhaps she too is comparing the feel of the car from her seat. I loved the sporty 6-speed red Matrix we tested, though it was a little intimidating to drive. Just as well the owners wouldn't budge on their price. Another good-looking Matrix was more affordable, but the smarmy salesman was very off-putting. Hopefully, if all goes well, we'll make our last excursion tomorrow in order to receive the title and then Lilli will be spared from the car seat for a while. I hate strapping her into the car seat. She must get so bored staring at the muted patterns on the back seat.

Lilli has her voice back and is chattering animatedly to Jon and I. She squawks, gurgles and coos at us with a variety of facial expressions to make her point. Her wide-mouthed gummy and squeaky giggles are delightful and very infectious. I feel wonderful when I'm able to tease them from her. Naps have been challenging this week. Perhaps because she has forgotten about the soothing power of thumb sucking? I hope that memory returns soon along with the tummy to back flip flop.

On Friday Shannon and Anya came to visit. Anya and Lilli were fascinated with each other. Within minutes of saying hello they were holding hands and exchanging big smiles. Anya couldn't keep her hands off Lilli. Lilli was proud to show off her rolling skills to Anya.

Last night was my first night out since we became a trio and it was great! I revelled in the amusing and thoughtful company of two of my amazing girl friends, Erin and Sara. It was delicious to discuss subjects other than Lilli, cars or home renovation. At home Jon and I escape these persistent topics through "Weeds." Warning: it is addictive.

Rock and Roll

Lilli has successfully mastered the back-to-tummy roll and practices every minute, including the middle of the night! Rather than hang out on her tummy enjoying her new skill for a while, she's striving for the next tottery stage, crawling! Though she's firmly grounded on her belly for the time being, she points her head towards her hoped-for destination and swims in the air with arms and legs! This obviously becomes frustrating after a while when she realises she's not going anywhere and can't recall how to roll over onto her back where all her dangling toys are within swiping and kicking distance.

The weekend brought with it a change in Lilli's schedule. The napless and sleepless days and nights of last week have passed and now we have a happy and peaceful baby who is napping twice a day for two hours at a time and is sleeping through the night until 4am when she wants to hang out and play!! I'm obsessing over her feeding since fewer naps means fewer feeds, however Lilli seems to have worked that out by enjoying hour long feeds, giving me plenty of reading time. I'm devouring books during these lovely breast feeding breaks. Today I wrapped up the amazing story of Greg Mortenson told in "3 Cups of Tea." Prior to this I had enjoyed yet another incredible real life tale in "Shantaram." My next read, "Sky Burial," continues with the trend of fascinating life journeys set against a colourful and beautiful Asian backdrop. Consequently I'm yearning to travel to India and the Himmalyas.

Work on the attic has recommenced in earnest. I finished priming over the weekend and Jon added trim around the windows. Our bedroom door is hung beautifully thanks to Chad's skillful work. We took a break from the construction site this long weekend and enjoyed Saturday lunch with our new friends who we met at birthing class. Jon found the time to make his delicious pork tenderloin recipe on Sunday evening which we shared with Eric and Gail. In return they generously shared an exquisite and expensive bottle of red wine. Dave and Lynn joined us Monday night for take-out pizza.

This week we began searching for a new car after sadly admitting that Elsie just isn't a family car. It's time to buy a "grown-up" car. One with 4 doors and paint that still shines.

The Houdini Baby

Last week was blissful! My charts show an orderly sequence of naps, feeds and play times that occur at the same time each day. Lilli slept well during the night and through her naps. She smiled and gurgled happily when awake. She was a brave little baby for her vaccines. But of course it couldn't last! The happy baby turned cranky over the weekend. She wakes wanting to play in the middle of the night, refuses to nap and turns a cold shoulder towards me when I'm trying to coax an elusive smile or one of those long conversations we used to enjoy. What happened?

Lastest tricks: She has developed an amazing ability to break out of the Miracle Blanket so we're sadly saying farewell to swaddling. However the transition to arms free is proving to be tough due to the distracting influence of chewable hands and fingers that poke eyes and ears. She is desperately attempting to roll from her back to her stomach, but can't quite make the final flip from her side. Yet she has perfected her tummy to back roll. Lilli loves her new giraffe toy. She pulls his legs and gnaws on its feet. And when she's not rockin' and rollin' she's busy chewing anything she can sink her gums into.

As for myself, I congratulate myself for painting a little more of the attic and taking a couple of bike rides around Wallingford. It's been tough though. I had to back away from my knitting needles after realising they could be used as a weapon. However a serendipitous parcel from England containing two chocolate bars arrived after 45 minutes of crying from both mother and baby. I reward myself with British chocolate after surviving the battles.

A Toy for Lilli

Life is feeling slightly more under control. Until our outing to the toy store this afternoon Lilli and I spent these past few calm days at home. I'm a little apprehensive to announce this since it could change overnight, but some semblance of a routine is appearing. It begins with some early morning fun between Jon and Lilli while I grab a few extra minutes of sleep. Lilli then naps for her obligitory 45 minutes while I quickly breakfast and shower, saying good bye to yet more hair (why couldn't the grey hair fall out?). Her waking protests call me to her side (hopefully dry and dressed, though there have been times when I've rushed from the shower mid-lather) and there I remain for 45 minutes more rocking and shhhhing her asleep. Nap time over, she feeds, we have tummy time, bouncy time, reading time, teddy time and batting at toy time. When she tires of these games I sit her in my arms facing out and walk around the house or the block. Lilli's first yawns propel me to the bedroom and the nap rituals begin. The curtains are drawn, the endless ocean wave plays, she's straight-jacketed in the dreaded swaddle and we bounce on the exercise ball. It's not long before her head lolls and I can gently lower her into bed and creep out the door, avoiding the squeaky floor boards (I know them all!). Sometimes I am able to practice half an hour of blissful yoga. I quickly eat lunch before her 45 minute sleep cycle ends and she unhappily awakens shouting for assistance to fall back to sleep. 45 minutes of rocking and shhhing (and a little knitting between rocks) and she's fast asleep. I confess that I let her enjoy this deep sleep for a further half an hour or so. My patience is well rewarded by big gummy smiles when she opens her eyes. She enjoys a long peaceful feed and more play time. The final nap of the day is hard. We're both tired and cranky and I'm lucky if it lasts more than 45 minutes. It's not a moment too soon when Jon arrives home to give us both a break from each other. These past two sunny evenings I have fled the house on my bicycle and revelled in the sense of freedom I find in Wallingford's streets. I'm back home to laugh with Lilli as she splashes in her bath and to soothe her to bed.

Today we broke the happy house routine and ventured out to a toy store. There were so many choices and Lilli loved them all. Dare I bring her as a toddler to this heavenly shop? We picked out a soft giraffe which rattles, tinkles, squeaks and crinkles. Lilli showed the giraffe how much she loved him by gnawing on a crinkly ear. She's avidly chewing her hands and our hands when she can. When they're not in her mouth they're grabbing anything within reach. Hair, clothing, toys and blankets are all fair game. Her aim is much improved and it takes less concentration to make contact with her target. Over the past week we noticed her reaching and holding dangling toys with both hands. And in a very cute development, she holds both hands together, beneath her chin, as though she's deep in thought. That isn't all, though you'd think that acheivement would be quite enough! Over the past couple of days she mastered the tummy to back roll and is very adept at holding her head and shoulders up during tummy time. She visually tracks me as I move about the room and will turn to me when I talk. However, while enjoying our vacation rental's cable TV, we were warily amused to see Lilli crane her head to watch the show. I'm also rather convinced that she recognises my silly songs since she now grins in what seems like happy anticipation when I warble the beginning lines of Old MacDonald's Farm or The Wheels on the Bus .... ahhhh! Her most adorable new skill is holding eye contact. After feeding she lies peacefully on my lap gazing up at me with her wide eyes and a big smile and a look that says "I love you Mummy."

Recollections

I'm discovering how to be a mother. I'm realising that I am a rather fumbling mother. However, I'm becoming skilled at soothing our tiny baby. Too much so! Jon and I take turns to hold her at night. Lilli only sleeps when being held. Initially we would switch back and forth every two hours. I vividly recall sitting on the couch at 3am in the morning watching terrible TV shows. Everyone told me to nap when Lilli napped during the day. That was rather impossible since Lilli napped on me! I felt I was becoming part of the couch.

It didn't take long for Lilli and I to develop a mutual love of breast feeding. Though her sleep is awkward, she is an expert feeder! While I quickly became a pro at diapering. I no longer have a fear of pee and poop.

Jon and I have been looked after well while we learn these important baby-care tasks. Friends and family have delivered steaming hot dinners to our door. The Smiths provided a lasagna that lasted us an entire week. Despite our visitors, I lived in my pajamas all day long. Those were the twilight days.

The exhaustion and fears that haunt me in the dark are balanced by the joy and wonder that Lilli brings. She is incredible. She arrived with her repertoire of newborn reflexes, a scrunched-up face and tightly curled body as though she were still floating in my womb. She grabs hold of your finger tightly with one hand, her toes fan when you brush the sole of her foot, she steps when lifted onto her feet, she startles frequently. She is adorable with her beautiful dark hair, steel blue-gray eyes and tiny fingers and toes. I dared not cut her minuscule fingernails for the longest time. And now her hands have suddenly grown, I think so she can discover them. It amazes me how quickly she is changing, how engaging she has become.

2 months

Weight: 12 lbs

Height: 23"

Head Circumference: 15.5"

8 Weeks and Counting

Lilli is 8 weeks old and happily nursing. It is a Friday in late July. The past two months have been very surreal. Night has blended into day which has blended back into night. Today was less dreamlike than usual, perhaps because I escaped the confines of this house. Lilli and I went shopping at the consignment store, Me & Moms, in Ballard. Unfortunately Lilli didn't enjoy the trip since the shop floor was too smooth. She prefers the sensation of bumps under her stroller wheels. So she cried rather than slept.

Recently Jon and I have been enjoying 4 hour stretches of sleep at night! However, for a few hours every night she is awake in her crib and Jon and I lye quietly in bed listening to her grunting, sniffing, squirming and slurping as she sucks her thumb. I wonder whether this new found relationship with her thumb will last?

Brrrrrr

Lilli is a huge fan of funny noises. She studies hard and then copies. Sticking out her tongue is easy. Vibrating her lips in a big "bbbrrrrrrrr" is difficult. She tries so hard, but can't quite get her lips positioned accurately. Smiling with her eyes is easy. She narrows her eyes and they glint happily and mischievously. Initially I thought she had sore eyes until I caught sight of myself smiling in the mirror. Ahhhh! So that's where that came from! Lilli loves looking at herself in the mirror and coos delightedly at herself.

Our days have settled into a routine. Sleep, Eat and Play. There is little me-time, but sometimes I do manage to squeeze in a shower. Jon still makes me lunch every morning since I find it hard to do so myself! I am amazed by the amount of laundry I find myself washing and folding. It is the only house task I am capable of completing. I wish I could do more. Jon returns from work and the kitchen hasn't been touched. After he finishes cleaning up the mess he cooks dinner. I hope that soon I'll be able to do a little more. But right now all my time is spent with little Lilli. And I'm starting to feel intense cabin fever. Lilli and I might escape the house for a neighbourhood walk perhaps every other day. These four walls are very monotonous and tedious.

The Battisti Month

Mum and Dad stayed in Seattle for the month of June. It was a beautiful month. They were lucky to have gorgeous sunshine and so were we. We enjoyed many lovely walks around the neighbourhood. July breezed in with my birthday (neither of our birthdays were much of an event this year) and the arrival of Uncle Mike! July was the month of the Battisti family. It was great to see Mike and the rest of the family. They love babies! Lilli was passed back and forth between Uncle Mike, Uncle Dave and Auntie Angela during our frequent family get-togethers. Jon and I found the energy to host a couple of family BBQs in our garden. Lilli had so much fun meeting her big Battisti family. She loves people. Though at bedtime, overstimulated and tired from our parties, she would scream and scream. Big glistening tears rolled out of her eyes. We endlessly bounced her to sleep.

Uncle Mike left and Jon’s parents arrived, Nana and Grandpa. They are awed by Lilli's spirit, her energy and her intense curiosity of the world. She furiously wriggles when loving relatives attempt to bestow cuddles. The squirms subside if you turn her around in your arms and carry her facing outwards. As her Grandpa Battisti said the other night, she is constantly full of energy, even when sleeping. Earlier this week at a family dinner Lilli was passed between cousins Gemma and Emily and Nana and Grandpa before Uncle Dave vanished with her into the cool quiet house removing her from the stimulation and the heat. Even though our family gatherings will end in tears from exhaustion and too much excitement, she misses the activity during the days when she is home alone with me.

Books, Swings and Things

Lilli's marathon nursing sessions have been providing me with plenty of time to catch up with my reading. I flew through the book Charlotte gave me for my birthday, Annette Vallon. Now I’m settling into the story of an escaped convict's life in Bombay. This book, Shantaram, is bringing back the old wanderlust feeling. I’d love to visit India. Maybe I'll be able to escape one day with some girl-friends. Perhaps Lilli would be open to spending some time at a yoga retreat with her aging mother. Unfortunately Jon has no interest in visiting India, despite his love of the cuisine.

In the meantime we took a small day vacation from our house! We enjoyed a fun BBQ with Shannon, Pablo and their baby daughter, Anya, and Doug, Deirdre and their two daughters, Bridget and Cieran. Amazingly Lilli fell asleep and napped contentedly in their mechanical swing. I felt a little guilty since we were the only couple who enjoyed lunch in peace!

Lilli is sleeping more consistently at night. She quickly falls asleep in my arms when she's not nodding off while nursing. She is eating a lot! It must be a growth spurt. She has discovered her hands and how to make all those facial muscles work together to pull an amazing array of facial expressions, including big beautiful smiles. Her body movements are less jerky and a touch more coordinated now. She moves so much! We've been told many times that we have a spirited baby - whatever that means!

Medical Concerns!

To begin with there was the scare over Lilli's umbilical cord. A few days after our return from the hospital Lilli began to smell rather foul. It didn't take us long to locate the source of the stench. Lilli's umbilical cord stump was slowly detaching. With a little wiggling it was possible to see that there was puss collecting underneath. We had been dutifully cleaning her stump, but after some "You Tube" research we realized that we had been given poor "cord care" information in our birth class. We panicked and with visions of Lilli succumbing to blood poisoning we called the doctor, but they rather unhelpfully never responded. The next day Jon discovered the stump floating around in her Onesie! We swabbed her red belly button with alcohol and it healed quickly.

At 6 weeks of age we worried that Lilli had developed reflux. She appeared to be in intense pain after feedings. We visited the doctor who prescribed 'Baby Zantac.' Feeling reluctant to put Lilli on these intense drugs, we decided to give a homeopathic remedy, gripe water, a shot. It looked very unappetizing and her spit-up and poop turned an interesting shade of indigo. We only tried that once and thankfully the reflux seems to have vanished. She still regurgitates vast quantities of milk but without any fussing. I'm the one who is anxiously watching my cream rug develop grey spit-up spots!

A Blue Bath

I’m sad I missed the walk around the lake with the May Babies and their Mums which happens every Thursday. But since Lilli and I had a rare lie in until 9.30 there was no way we were going to get ready and out of the house in half an hour. Instead Lilli and I went to the consignment store and found a blue baby bath. Last night the 3 of us walked to the Fainting Goat Gelato and enjoyed delicious mango sorbet and almond gelato. What a lovely treat!

Smiles

Lilli started smiling at around 4 weeks of age. Such a big beautiful smile. Her whole face smiles. Her cries have started to change. She's already capable of expressing different emotions and needs.

Lilli has a black and white baby gym which she loves. It keeps her entertained and very happy. It allows us a little bit of freedom since she's been in our arms since she was born. Jon and I have spent hours shhing, rocking and swinging to help her sleep. We're attempting to mimic the security of the womb.

We've thought about implementing a routine, but that seems miles away. Right now our days and nights are very chaotic, very erratic, but so wonderful. There are times when I look at Lilli and I cry with happiness and wonder. Jon had a harder time giving up his freedom. There are days when I also feel completely overwhelmed, wishing I could hike in the mountains, create craftsy projects, practice yoga, have dinner together. Even just remembering to say "Hi" to Jon and "did you have a good day" when he gets home, rather than throwing Lilli at him when he’s exhausted from work would be good. But I guess that’s the way it goes. Wonderful highs and rock bottom lows. My feelings towards Jon, after the birth and after that first month have grown so much. I didn’t think that was possible. He’s an amazing and wonderful person. He's given me so much support through these first few months. My attraction to him, my love for him has deepened so much. Lilli is lucky to have such a wonderful father.

Granny & Grandad

Mum and Dad arrived when Lilli was about 2 weeks old. It was wonderful to see them. Initially it was a little hard looking after visitors in addition to Lilli, but it didn't take us long to establish a routine.

They spent the whole month of June in Seattle living on a small houseboat at Gasworks Park, just at the bottom of the hill. They walked up the hill every day. Dad would clean the kitchen muttering about Jon's messy cooking habits. Mum would take Lilli out for a walk in her stroller between 10 and 11am, allowing me time to nap, or if the neighbour's children were outside screaming with excitement then I'd take a blissfully long shower or clean the house. Mum loved these long walks with Lilli. Together they explored every street in Wallingford.

We had fun with Mum and Dad aka Granny and Grandad. We enjoyed dinners on the houseboat watching the ducks and we even spotted a beaver! We had a picnic in the sunshine at Discovery Park. We visited the Farmer's Market every Saturday and went shopping at the U-Village and ran into Deirdre, Cieran, Bridget and D’s parents who were also visiting. Jon and Dad brewed beer one evening with Greg. We saw Dave and Lynn. We had some delicious dinners at home, some of which we enjoyed in the garden. Dad took charge of my garden and tended my vegetables with good care. We kept him busy with many small house projects. Mum and Dad were a wonderful help.

Bounce Bounce Bounce ....

Lilli is a little over 2 weeks old and she's unfurling from her fetus position. Sleeping is haphazard. She enjoys sleeping exclusively in our arms and so Jon and I wearily play tag at nights sitting in front of the muted TV while Lilli sleeps peacefully on our laps. We're desperate for her to sleep in her crib. Bouncing soothes her to sleep. We're spending hours on the exercise ball. Lilli is a motion junkie. Lilli has visited the doctor twice for her medical check-ups. At 3 days old she met her doctor. She had lost a little weight. At 2 weeks she had gained quite a bit of weight and had grown an inch!

2+1=3

Here is the story of Lilli's arrival:

Late on Wednesday afternoon I felt my first gentle and erratic contractions. Lilli's life in her warm and muted underwater world was drawing to a close. I was excited but wary. False labour I muttered. It was a beautiful day and we decided a slow stroll in the fresh spring air would help. We ambled to the Wallingford Farmer's Market and back. I desperately prayed that we would return home without encountering any friendly and chatty neighbours since my contractions were gaining strength. At home I draped myself over the yoga ball while Jon cooked dinner. I was relieved that these early contractions were so mild.

Dinner was delicious. Sausages and couscous.

We went to bed early (10pm). I was somewhat expecting and hoping to sleep a full night. As if the labour would be put on hold so I could rest!! No so. I was woken 20 minutes later by painful contractions. My contractions were not dutifully falling into the 4-1-1 rule of thumb (contractions 4 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute for 1 hour). They varied from 2 to 4 minutes apart, but mercifully they only lasted for 30 seconds. Unsure of what to do we vacillated until I was in tears from the pain. Jon called the midwife. It was time to go. We loaded the car with the bags that had been packed and waiting for this moment and arrived at the hospital just before midnight.

I was wired to an array of fascinating machines. One recorded Lilli's heart rate and the other measured my contractions. It was amazing to see what I was feeling printed on paper. I was excited to learn that I was 4cms dilated. The return of my dinner and the longer and more intense contractions quickly tempered my elation. The breathing exercises drilled into me during our birth classes and Jon's wonderful support helped enormously. At 7cms dilated my water broke. It was a peculiar sensation and I promptly emptied my stomach yet again! The contractions became much more severe, but I knew I wasn't far from the point where I could start pushing. I retreated into myself, squeezed my eyes shut, breathed hard, gripped the bed railings and enjoyed the blissful lulls between contractions. Strangely, I didn't even consider pain medication and no one suggested it.

At 3am I was 10cms dilated and it was time to push. It was tough. It took a long time to engage the appropriate muscles. The nurse was an impatient teacher and I quickly became frustrated with her. I tried a variety of positions, none of which seemed to help. It was exhausting and I was relieved when my midwife arrived rescuing me from the exasperated nurse. I was thankful when she suggested that I squat. I hung between Jon's legs and pushed. It hurt like hell. The midwife cajoled me to stay there. She promised me that the intense pain meant that Lilli was descending. Nearing two hours into pushing and with the prospect of forceps looming on my tired brain I gave one last massive push and Lilli slid through my awkward pelvis. The midwife told me to slow down, but Lilli was on the move and I couldn't stop. The midwife scrambled into her delivery apron and 5.37am Lilli was born.

I wish I could remember how it felt to feel Lilli for the first time, what she looked like and what she did. I have a vague recollection of looking down at myself holding a slimy and gooey baby while Jon cut her umbilical cord. I hemorrhaged and Lilli was whisked off by the nurses while the midwife and nurses attempted to stop my bleeding. This was not what I had imagined. There was no immediate bonding period. No chance to gather breath and savour Lilli in those elated and surreal post-birth moments. Instead Lilli was in a warming crib while the midwife and nurses were subjecting me to yet more intense pain as they forcefully massaged my uterus. Jon was torn between Lilli and I. Though I had managed a natural birth, I was hooked up to the machines and the drugs at the end.

I was confined to the bed for the day, encouraged to eat plenty of red meat (not too hard a task), forced to pee in a bed pan (very undignified and awkward) and received breast feeding directions from the nurses. Lilli took to nursing straight away. After a sleepless night filled with Lilli's screams we gingerly dressed our tiny daughter and drove home carefully and fearfully, since Lilli was dwarfed by her infant car seat.

Lilli is perfect. Jon is incredible. He was wonderful during the birth. I have so much gratitude and an incredibly profound respect for him.

Welcome Lilli

Lillian Clara Battisti was born May 28th, 2009 at 5.36am.

Weight: 8lbs 3oz
Length: 20.5"
Head Circumference: 14"

Jon, the very proud father and husband, emailed this message to friends and family:
Lillian Clara Battisti was born on May 28 at 5.36am weighing 8 lbs and 3oz. Anna was amazing. She started having contractions at 5pm yesterday,arrived at the hospital around midnight and out came Lillian five and a half hours later. I will be forever in awe at Anna's performance today. Lillian, Mom and Dad are doing well. Very tired. Trying to get some sleep and letting the midwives help us as much as possible. Looking forward to introducing Lillian to all of you in person.
Love to everyone,
Lillian, Anna and Jon