4 months

Weight: 13 lbs 12 oz

Height: 25 3/4"

Head Circumference: 16 1/4"

Happiness

Warm and sunny September days

Crisp mornings and evenings

Fresh conkers with their beautiful deep chestnut colours

Dewy spider's cobwebs

Collecting pretty autumn leaves

My lush crop of spinach

A clean kitchen

Tea with friends

A sleeping baby

Lilli's smiles

Hugs with Jon

My latest read: "The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society"

My Mum arriving in less than a week!

Mentally Agitated Momma

I'm in rather a negative frame of mind this evening, but since it is Wednesday, my blogging night, I shall endeavour to write an entry. So please bear with me since I doubt this will be a cheery read!

Lilli hates napping. So it especially seems this week. Previously it was relatively easy to soothe her to sleep, but she has started to loudly resist naps and bed time. She sleeps for one sleep cycle (around 40 minutes) and awakens tired and cranky. During naps she is unable to return to sleep unassisted. However, my attempts to calm her seem to make matters worse and she screams more intensely and fights me with her little body. I hate that I am unable to help her. It's heart wrenching listening to her sob and I start to think that I am a terrible mother.

Not long after my last blog we decided to transition Lilli from her hammock to her crib. Previously she had napped in the hammock and slept the night in the crib. She would often wriggle into a nose down position in the hammock and I was worried about the risk of suffocation. So we decided it was time for her to fully transition to the crib. We thought, why not make another change while we're at it and try to wean Lilli from her bounce-to-sleep habit? We started off boldly using "The Baby Whisperer's" Pick Up/Put Down technique. The BW advises parents to put the baby in the crib, drowsy, but awake, and soothe baby to sleep by shhhing and patting. You pick the baby up when she cries, but put her down as soon as she's quiet. The process is repeated until the baby falls asleep. You essentially wear her out. Unless she wears you out first. After a long, exhausting hour with no cessation to the screaming in sight, we admitted defeat and bounced our traumatized baby to sleep. It was awful and never to be repeated. I decided it might be kinder on all of us to gradually eliminate the motion crutch. We've lessened our bounces to mere jiggles and it was working! Until now. Nothing has seemed to help her sleep today. Has she become aware of our ruse? Or is something else going on?

Is she possibly teething? Lilli chews on her arm until it is red and raised. I try to intervene with a teething ring. She chews on anything she can grab. I'm amazed at the lightening speed with which she'll bring an object to her mouth. It wasn't long ago when moving her hand to mouth required careful planning for success.

I hope that she's not yelling from hunger. I hope my milk supply is sufficient. Why are there so many things to worry about? Tonight Lilli fussed throughout her evening feed and we were alarmed that she hadn't eaten sufficiently, so we turned to the bottle. This she happily guzzled down. Lately this fussy feed has not been unusual, however we ascribed her complaints to a slower flow of milk and a change in taste resulting from plugged ducts. After a couple of days of hot water bottle compresses, steamy showers, massage and constant feeding from the affected breast the ducts cleared and I am feeling much better today. Perhaps the uneven feedings and the slight infection have reduced my supply?

My head is whirling with anxious thoughts. I'll sip my tea and write of our new car and our fun outings. That should send me to bed with a few less creases between my brows ....

I love our new car. It does shine. It has power steering and a back windscreen wiper. It has four doors, a radio and a CD player. The seats are very comfortable and the doors close with a quiet but hefty thunk. I'm still a little heavy footed on the gas when changing gears and I'm not sure where it's nose begins and backside ends which is making parking a little tricky. Oddly, there is a strange smell about it that is reminiscent of cheap motel rooms. Lilli, the new car and I have enjoyed a couple of excursions to Greenlake this week to walk with friends and their babies in this wonderful September sunshine. On Sunday morning Jon, Lilli and I enjoyed a beautiful walk in Discovery Park. We reminisced about how we once danced tango on the exposed flats of an unusually low tide. Now there's a happy memory to take to bed with me.

Good night.

Lilli Goes Car Shopping

The 3 of us have been busy test-driving cars over the past week. Tomorrow we're sealing the deal on a grey 2005 Toyota Matrix. Yes, the paint still shines, the interior is clean and it drives well. Lilli has been remarkably patient during our car shopping excursions. Perhaps she too is comparing the feel of the car from her seat. I loved the sporty 6-speed red Matrix we tested, though it was a little intimidating to drive. Just as well the owners wouldn't budge on their price. Another good-looking Matrix was more affordable, but the smarmy salesman was very off-putting. Hopefully, if all goes well, we'll make our last excursion tomorrow in order to receive the title and then Lilli will be spared from the car seat for a while. I hate strapping her into the car seat. She must get so bored staring at the muted patterns on the back seat.

Lilli has her voice back and is chattering animatedly to Jon and I. She squawks, gurgles and coos at us with a variety of facial expressions to make her point. Her wide-mouthed gummy and squeaky giggles are delightful and very infectious. I feel wonderful when I'm able to tease them from her. Naps have been challenging this week. Perhaps because she has forgotten about the soothing power of thumb sucking? I hope that memory returns soon along with the tummy to back flip flop.

On Friday Shannon and Anya came to visit. Anya and Lilli were fascinated with each other. Within minutes of saying hello they were holding hands and exchanging big smiles. Anya couldn't keep her hands off Lilli. Lilli was proud to show off her rolling skills to Anya.

Last night was my first night out since we became a trio and it was great! I revelled in the amusing and thoughtful company of two of my amazing girl friends, Erin and Sara. It was delicious to discuss subjects other than Lilli, cars or home renovation. At home Jon and I escape these persistent topics through "Weeds." Warning: it is addictive.

Rock and Roll

Lilli has successfully mastered the back-to-tummy roll and practices every minute, including the middle of the night! Rather than hang out on her tummy enjoying her new skill for a while, she's striving for the next tottery stage, crawling! Though she's firmly grounded on her belly for the time being, she points her head towards her hoped-for destination and swims in the air with arms and legs! This obviously becomes frustrating after a while when she realises she's not going anywhere and can't recall how to roll over onto her back where all her dangling toys are within swiping and kicking distance.

The weekend brought with it a change in Lilli's schedule. The napless and sleepless days and nights of last week have passed and now we have a happy and peaceful baby who is napping twice a day for two hours at a time and is sleeping through the night until 4am when she wants to hang out and play!! I'm obsessing over her feeding since fewer naps means fewer feeds, however Lilli seems to have worked that out by enjoying hour long feeds, giving me plenty of reading time. I'm devouring books during these lovely breast feeding breaks. Today I wrapped up the amazing story of Greg Mortenson told in "3 Cups of Tea." Prior to this I had enjoyed yet another incredible real life tale in "Shantaram." My next read, "Sky Burial," continues with the trend of fascinating life journeys set against a colourful and beautiful Asian backdrop. Consequently I'm yearning to travel to India and the Himmalyas.

Work on the attic has recommenced in earnest. I finished priming over the weekend and Jon added trim around the windows. Our bedroom door is hung beautifully thanks to Chad's skillful work. We took a break from the construction site this long weekend and enjoyed Saturday lunch with our new friends who we met at birthing class. Jon found the time to make his delicious pork tenderloin recipe on Sunday evening which we shared with Eric and Gail. In return they generously shared an exquisite and expensive bottle of red wine. Dave and Lynn joined us Monday night for take-out pizza.

This week we began searching for a new car after sadly admitting that Elsie just isn't a family car. It's time to buy a "grown-up" car. One with 4 doors and paint that still shines.

The Houdini Baby

Last week was blissful! My charts show an orderly sequence of naps, feeds and play times that occur at the same time each day. Lilli slept well during the night and through her naps. She smiled and gurgled happily when awake. She was a brave little baby for her vaccines. But of course it couldn't last! The happy baby turned cranky over the weekend. She wakes wanting to play in the middle of the night, refuses to nap and turns a cold shoulder towards me when I'm trying to coax an elusive smile or one of those long conversations we used to enjoy. What happened?

Lastest tricks: She has developed an amazing ability to break out of the Miracle Blanket so we're sadly saying farewell to swaddling. However the transition to arms free is proving to be tough due to the distracting influence of chewable hands and fingers that poke eyes and ears. She is desperately attempting to roll from her back to her stomach, but can't quite make the final flip from her side. Yet she has perfected her tummy to back roll. Lilli loves her new giraffe toy. She pulls his legs and gnaws on its feet. And when she's not rockin' and rollin' she's busy chewing anything she can sink her gums into.

As for myself, I congratulate myself for painting a little more of the attic and taking a couple of bike rides around Wallingford. It's been tough though. I had to back away from my knitting needles after realising they could be used as a weapon. However a serendipitous parcel from England containing two chocolate bars arrived after 45 minutes of crying from both mother and baby. I reward myself with British chocolate after surviving the battles.