Lilli hates napping. So it especially seems this week. Previously it was relatively easy to soothe her to sleep, but she has started to loudly resist naps and bed time. She sleeps for one sleep cycle (around 40 minutes) and awakens tired and cranky. During naps she is unable to return to sleep unassisted. However, my attempts to calm her seem to make matters worse and she screams more intensely and fights me with her little body. I hate that I am unable to help her. It's heart wrenching listening to her sob and I start to think that I am a terrible mother.
Not long after my last blog we decided to transition Lilli from her hammock to her crib. Previously she had napped in the hammock and slept the night in the crib. She would often wriggle into a nose down position in the hammock and I was worried about the risk of suffocation. So we decided it was time for her to fully transition to the crib. We thought, why not make another change while we're at it and try to wean Lilli from her bounce-to-sleep habit? We started off boldly using "The Baby Whisperer's" Pick Up/Put Down technique. The BW advises parents to put the baby in the crib, drowsy, but awake, and soothe baby to sleep by shhhing and patting. You pick the baby up when she cries, but put her down as soon as she's quiet. The process is repeated until the baby falls asleep. You essentially wear her out. Unless she wears you out first. After a long, exhausting hour with no cessation to the screaming in sight, we admitted defeat and bounced our traumatized baby to sleep. It was awful and never to be repeated. I decided it might be kinder on all of us to gradually eliminate the motion crutch. We've lessened our bounces to mere jiggles and it was working! Until now. Nothing has seemed to help her sleep today. Has she become aware of our ruse? Or is something else going on?
Is she possibly teething? Lilli chews on her arm until it is red and raised. I try to intervene with a teething ring. She chews on anything she can grab. I'm amazed at the lightening speed with which she'll bring an object to her mouth. It wasn't long ago when moving her hand to mouth required careful planning for success.
I hope that she's not yelling from hunger. I hope my milk supply is sufficient. Why are there so many things to worry about? Tonight Lilli fussed throughout her evening feed and we were alarmed that she hadn't eaten sufficiently, so we turned to the bottle. This she happily guzzled down. Lately this fussy feed has not been unusual, however we ascribed her complaints to a slower flow of milk and a change in taste resulting from plugged ducts. After a couple of days of hot water bottle compresses, steamy showers, massage and constant feeding from the affected breast the ducts cleared and I am feeling much better today. Perhaps the uneven feedings and the slight infection have reduced my supply?
My head is whirling with anxious thoughts. I'll sip my tea and write of our new car and our fun outings. That should send me to bed with a few less creases between my brows ....
I love our new car. It does shine. It has power steering and a back windscreen wiper. It has four doors, a radio and a CD player. The seats are very comfortable and the doors close with a quiet but hefty thunk. I'm still a little heavy footed on the gas when changing gears and I'm not sure where it's nose begins and backside ends which is making parking a little tricky. Oddly, there is a strange smell about it that is reminiscent of cheap motel rooms. Lilli, the new car and I have enjoyed a couple of excursions to Greenlake this week to walk with friends and their babies in this wonderful September sunshine. On Sunday morning Jon, Lilli and I enjoyed a beautiful walk in Discovery Park. We reminisced about how we once danced tango on the exposed flats of an unusually low tide. Now there's a happy memory to take to bed with me.
Good night.
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