A Tooth!

Lilli's first tooth is making it's debut! She will not let me see it, but I can feel its razor edge just peeking through the gum.

To sleep, perchance to dream

Sleep, sleep, sleep. I'm obsessed with sleep and my lack thereof. Lilli's night time schedule is erratic! Every night is different. Some nights she will awaken for her twice nightly feeds and quietly drift back to sleep. Other nights she'll awaken and grumble and cry for a couple of hours before returning to sleep. Some nights are just fitful from the start. And on other occasions she's up for the day at 5. I'm actually feeling pretty good for surviving on 5-6 hours of sleep a night, and that's not consolidated sleep hours. However on the positive side, Lilli has fallen asleep in her crib twice this week, thanks to some perseverance and the help of a plastic aquarium with swimming fish, bubbles, flashing lights and soothing (monotonous) music. However it was wrenching listening to her angry cries and watching her little upset face for half an hour. However, her cries never escalated into those really wretched sobs. These were irritated cries. She was annoyed with me for changing the routine and irritated that she couldn't fall asleep. I could almost hear her saying,

"Mummy, where are you?"

"I need you to hold and cuddle me"

"I want to suck on the sleeve of your sweater and bury my nose into the crook of your elbow"

"Rock me, please"

"I can't go to sleep and I'm so tired and I feel miserable"

"This isn't fair, whaaaaahhhhh"

And I was thinking,

"Lilli I'm right here, look here's my face and feel my hand gently rubbing your tummy"

"Go to sleep love, I know you can do it"

"Please don't cry, it makes Mummy feel awful"

"Am I doing the right thing?"

"I love you Lilli."

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, Jon and I will lay awake listening to her whines, wondering when we should intervene. Sometimes, miraculously she stops and drifts back to sleep. But her favourite position for returning to sleep is on her tummy with her face down in the mattress. So begin the nights of worry over the safety of my daughter.

Lovable Moments

The way Lilli's hair stands on end after washing.

Lilli's raspberry blowing.

Blowing raspberries on the back of her neck.

Smelling her hair.

Big smiles with dimples and oh so happy eyes.

Little fingers and toes.

Her careful scrutiny of the world through those big blue eyes.

Toe chewing and thumb sucking.

The little hand that creeps up to feel my face and play with my lips when I'm feeding her or soothing her to sleep.

Her squeaky gurgley laughter.

Bath Times with Daddy

To Lilli,

from Daddy x

The bath time ritual begins with Mommy laying out PJs and towels on the bed and drawing the bath. You and I go over to the changing table where you play with my hair while I undress you. Naked and wriggling in my arms we pass by the bathroom mirror on our way to the bath. We briefly stop and gaze at each others smiling faces. You like the mirror. We splash into the tub and away you go, kicking and splashing and trying to reach your little rubber ducky that is being tossed around in the waves at your feet. Your feet, legs and bottom are easy to wash because when I give you the rubber ducky, which you promptly stuff in your mouth to chew, your legs temporarily stop kicking. Your arms, on the other hand, are so strong that it takes all my might to straighten them and wash the little folds in your armpits. I trick you into a position where I can wash your neck by holding the cup that I use to wash your hair above your head. You don't like it when I soap your neck. Of course after seeing the cup there is only so long before I have to give it to you. You take it from my hands and rush it straight to your gummy mouth. After a few more chews on the cup and splashes with kicking legs we dash, dripping, into the bedroom where I plop you down on your towel on the bed. As I begin drying you the mad girl emerges. You begin panting, fervently gnawing on your foot and making all sorts of strange noises! Shrieks, sizzles, coos. I race to ensure your folds and creases are dry before you begin to tire of lying on the bed. You flip over and try to make a break for it. If you are dry I leave you wriggling on your belly and give you a massage to help you relax and dissipate your frenetic energy before bed. I liberally slather on Burt's Bees butt paste and wrap your bottom up in a diaper. By the time I'm wrestling your squirmy limbs into your pajama's you've figured out that it is bedtime. You are not impressed. The final straw is when I try to discreetly maneuver you into your sleep blanket. By now you've usually had it with me and are telling me so! Mommy awaits and I drop you into her lap for a last snack before bed.

Granny's Visit

The bouncy exercise ball has made a come-back and I've discovered that Lilli dislikes the dark. Nap times and bed times have been sorely trying over the past days. Coaxing her to sleep has been so much harder than usual, particularly at night time when she screams harder than we've ever heard her. However I left the door open tonight to allow a little light in the room and she fell asleep in my arms with barely a peep. Her tense bedtimes have coincided with these increasingly darker autumn evenings. Recently I have noticed that Lilli fixates on an object or a slither of light while being lulled to sleep. I love watching her eyes gradually close over the course of my lullaby. A big sigh signals her complete surrender to sleep. Only then can I gently lower her into the crib. She'll awake 40 minutes later, with a dream or a twitch startling her awake. During naps I'm unable to put her back into the crib to finish sleeping. She stirs as soon as those tiny feet touch the sheet. Invariably she spends the remainder of her nap snoozing in my tired arms.

Yesterday was a very sad day. Granny returned to the UK. We had a wonderful two weeks together. Granny taught Lilli peekaboo and lots of new songs. They waltzed and galloped together around the living room. Granny pushed Lilli in her pram around the neighbourhood. There were many hugs and kisses. Sometimes Lilli and I would wake Granny by climbing into bed with her for morning cuddles. We had fun outings in the beautiful sunshine to the Arboretum and to Discovery Park. Granny was an enormous help around the house and even helped paint Daddy's cupboards. One night Granny looked after Lilli while Jon and I escaped for a long overdue birthday/anniversary dinner at Eva. While Granny was here we thew a big welcome party for Lilli, celebrating her arrival in the garden with our friends and family. Granny and Jon made triangle sandwiches: grilled veggies and goat's cheese, ham with spinach and baked plums, tuna salad and the traditional cheese and cucumber. I baked pumpkin and chocolate cupcakes and mixed up a delicious cranberry, cider and ginger punch. Come back soon Granny and bring Grandad with you. We miss you and love you very much.

Hooray for Granny!

We've had a grand time this week with Granny's visit from England. Lilli loves spending time with her Granny (as do I). Granny sings Lilli all sorts of funny songs and gives her lots of kisses and cuddles. She is a wonderfully calming influence on us all. Jon has achieved more in the attic over the past week than he has all summer. I've regained my sanity. And Lilli has enjoyed many more peaceful moments since Granny knows just when and how to play or soothe. I think Jon and I are a little too high energy during those critical pre-sleep minutes .

Over the last few days we've been working on helping Lilli learn how to fall asleep. We've successfully eliminated the bouncing ball from the bed and nap time ritual. Today I managed to sing her back to sleep in the crib. I'd rather take these small slow steps than a week or two of crying-it-out or Pick-Up, Put-Down or the Sleep Lady Shuffle. I say, burn all those sleep books!

Lilli has discovered her feet! When not distracted by a sock, she loves to chat. The raspberry blowing has subsided somewhat and she's working on the aaaaaaa vowel sound. Mum and I are constantly talking. We talk all day long. We sometimes talk too much. It's lovely. And exhausting. We have a fantastic relationship and I feel very lucky to have her as my Mum. I'm sure all our chatting is influencing Lilli who often joins in with her aaas and squeals and gurgles. She is even starting to sound a little like Granny.

Pink Feet & Raspberries!

Pink Feet: Lilli rubs her little feet together until they turn a rosy pink. This activity takes place during feeding, playing and sleeping!

Raspberries: When she's not rubbing her feet together Lilli loves blowing raspberries. She creates little drool bubbles and a great sizzling noise through her vibrating bottom lip (she's working on relaxing the top lip so it can join in too).