Here is the story of Lilli's arrival:
Late on Wednesday afternoon I felt my first gentle and erratic contractions. Lilli's life in her warm and muted underwater world was drawing to a close. I was excited but wary. False labour I muttered. It was a beautiful day and we decided a slow stroll in the fresh spring air would help. We ambled to the Wallingford Farmer's Market and back. I desperately prayed that we would return home without encountering any friendly and chatty neighbours since my contractions were gaining strength. At home I draped myself over the yoga ball while Jon cooked dinner. I was relieved that these early contractions were so mild.
Dinner was delicious. Sausages and couscous.
We went to bed early (10pm). I was somewhat expecting and hoping to sleep a full night. As if the labour would be put on hold so I could rest!! No so. I was woken 20 minutes later by painful contractions. My contractions were not dutifully falling into the 4-1-1 rule of thumb (contractions 4 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute for 1 hour). They varied from 2 to 4 minutes apart, but mercifully they only lasted for 30 seconds. Unsure of what to do we vacillated until I was in tears from the pain. Jon called the midwife. It was time to go. We loaded the car with the bags that had been packed and waiting for this moment and arrived at the hospital just before midnight.
I was wired to an array of fascinating machines. One recorded Lilli's heart rate and the other measured my contractions. It was amazing to see what I was feeling printed on paper. I was excited to learn that I was 4cms dilated. The return of my dinner and the longer and more intense contractions quickly tempered my elation. The breathing exercises drilled into me during our birth classes and Jon's wonderful support helped enormously. At 7cms dilated my water broke. It was a peculiar sensation and I promptly emptied my stomach yet again! The contractions became much more severe, but I knew I wasn't far from the point where I could start pushing. I retreated into myself, squeezed my eyes shut, breathed hard, gripped the bed railings and enjoyed the blissful lulls between contractions. Strangely, I didn't even consider pain medication and no one suggested it.
Late on Wednesday afternoon I felt my first gentle and erratic contractions. Lilli's life in her warm and muted underwater world was drawing to a close. I was excited but wary. False labour I muttered. It was a beautiful day and we decided a slow stroll in the fresh spring air would help. We ambled to the Wallingford Farmer's Market and back. I desperately prayed that we would return home without encountering any friendly and chatty neighbours since my contractions were gaining strength. At home I draped myself over the yoga ball while Jon cooked dinner. I was relieved that these early contractions were so mild.
Dinner was delicious. Sausages and couscous.
We went to bed early (10pm). I was somewhat expecting and hoping to sleep a full night. As if the labour would be put on hold so I could rest!! No so. I was woken 20 minutes later by painful contractions. My contractions were not dutifully falling into the 4-1-1 rule of thumb (contractions 4 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute for 1 hour). They varied from 2 to 4 minutes apart, but mercifully they only lasted for 30 seconds. Unsure of what to do we vacillated until I was in tears from the pain. Jon called the midwife. It was time to go. We loaded the car with the bags that had been packed and waiting for this moment and arrived at the hospital just before midnight.
I was wired to an array of fascinating machines. One recorded Lilli's heart rate and the other measured my contractions. It was amazing to see what I was feeling printed on paper. I was excited to learn that I was 4cms dilated. The return of my dinner and the longer and more intense contractions quickly tempered my elation. The breathing exercises drilled into me during our birth classes and Jon's wonderful support helped enormously. At 7cms dilated my water broke. It was a peculiar sensation and I promptly emptied my stomach yet again! The contractions became much more severe, but I knew I wasn't far from the point where I could start pushing. I retreated into myself, squeezed my eyes shut, breathed hard, gripped the bed railings and enjoyed the blissful lulls between contractions. Strangely, I didn't even consider pain medication and no one suggested it.
At 3am I was 10cms dilated and it was time to push. It was tough. It took a long time to engage the appropriate muscles. The nurse was an impatient teacher and I quickly became frustrated with her. I tried a variety of positions, none of which seemed to help. It was exhausting and I was relieved when my midwife arrived rescuing me from the exasperated nurse. I was thankful when she suggested that I squat. I hung between Jon's legs and pushed. It hurt like hell. The midwife cajoled me to stay there. She promised me that the intense pain meant that Lilli was descending. Nearing two hours into pushing and with the prospect of forceps looming on my tired brain I gave one last massive push and Lilli slid through my awkward pelvis. The midwife told me to slow down, but Lilli was on the move and I couldn't stop. The midwife scrambled into her delivery apron and 5.37am Lilli was born.
I wish I could remember how it felt to feel Lilli for the first time, what she looked like and what she did. I have a vague recollection of looking down at myself holding a slimy and gooey baby while Jon cut her umbilical cord. I hemorrhaged and Lilli was whisked off by the nurses while the midwife and nurses attempted to stop my bleeding. This was not what I had imagined. There was no immediate bonding period. No chance to gather breath and savour Lilli in those elated and surreal post-birth moments. Instead Lilli was in a warming crib while the midwife and nurses were subjecting me to yet more intense pain as they forcefully massaged my uterus. Jon was torn between Lilli and I. Though I had managed a natural birth, I was hooked up to the machines and the drugs at the end.
I was confined to the bed for the day, encouraged to eat plenty of red meat (not too hard a task), forced to pee in a bed pan (very undignified and awkward) and received breast feeding directions from the nurses. Lilli took to nursing straight away. After a sleepless night filled with Lilli's screams we gingerly dressed our tiny daughter and drove home carefully and fearfully, since Lilli was dwarfed by her infant car seat.
Lilli is perfect. Jon is incredible. He was wonderful during the birth. I have so much gratitude and an incredibly profound respect for him.
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