Recollections

I'm discovering how to be a mother. I'm realising that I am a rather fumbling mother. However, I'm becoming skilled at soothing our tiny baby. Too much so! Jon and I take turns to hold her at night. Lilli only sleeps when being held. Initially we would switch back and forth every two hours. I vividly recall sitting on the couch at 3am in the morning watching terrible TV shows. Everyone told me to nap when Lilli napped during the day. That was rather impossible since Lilli napped on me! I felt I was becoming part of the couch.

It didn't take long for Lilli and I to develop a mutual love of breast feeding. Though her sleep is awkward, she is an expert feeder! While I quickly became a pro at diapering. I no longer have a fear of pee and poop.

Jon and I have been looked after well while we learn these important baby-care tasks. Friends and family have delivered steaming hot dinners to our door. The Smiths provided a lasagna that lasted us an entire week. Despite our visitors, I lived in my pajamas all day long. Those were the twilight days.

The exhaustion and fears that haunt me in the dark are balanced by the joy and wonder that Lilli brings. She is incredible. She arrived with her repertoire of newborn reflexes, a scrunched-up face and tightly curled body as though she were still floating in my womb. She grabs hold of your finger tightly with one hand, her toes fan when you brush the sole of her foot, she steps when lifted onto her feet, she startles frequently. She is adorable with her beautiful dark hair, steel blue-gray eyes and tiny fingers and toes. I dared not cut her minuscule fingernails for the longest time. And now her hands have suddenly grown, I think so she can discover them. It amazes me how quickly she is changing, how engaging she has become.